Ah, Stuyvesant Town. The middle-class housing complex turned faux-lux rentals turned faux-college campus turned Law & Order fodder never ceases to amaze us.It used to be that residents enjoyed spending time relaxing in the Oval, feeding the squirrels, admiring the freshly planted flowers, and socializing with one another. In the Tishman Speyer era of Stuyvesant Town, socializing has taken a downward spiral. Sadly the only seed being planted in the Oval these days are by the disgusting low-lifes Tishman Speyer has scraped out of the gutter and handed leases to.
You know the ones. They have sex in security booths, leave their crusty thongs in the bushes, and now - a new low - discard used condoms on the sidewalks after a sweaty pounding brought on by the intoxicating combination of Georgi vodka and Axe body spray. Class with a K!
A resident passing by 19 Stuyvesant Oval was less than thrilled when she stepped and slid on a Coney Island Whitefish that washed up in the Oval. We know what you're thinking - Lux Living, don't you go and blame those NYU students! We won't. We know they have taken time off from their busy schedule - setting aside high-priority tasks such as peeing on absorbent surfaces - to focus on their successful letter writing campaign, fighting for real community change by whining back their free shuttles.
Instead we'll blame douchebags that will forever be associated with Tishman Speyer's Pottersville - the uber privileged, early 20's to mid 30's, white male, Wall Street cliches. The four guys who live in the apartment next door to you. You know, the apartment that blares Anchorman every Saturday night at 2AM and evokes the same level of hilarity it did the first 75 times they watched it. We know, they are watching it again right now...sigh.
WTF? That sighting of that giant CIWF in the Oval is bound to raise Jacques Cousteau from the briny dead! Can you say, "I think we need a bigger boat"?Do police horses wear prophylactics and if they do, who has the duty of rolling them on? That raincoat was too big for Robbie's goats; I'm thinking he's stepping over the thin blue line and is now schtupping New York's finest equines. GASP and Gadzooks!! Thankfully, the person that stepped on it didn't end up sliding into it and drowning in some outlandishly large swimmers. On a different note, this is the season for giving thanks. Let us give thanks that we aren't related to either Tish and/or Spey. Be grateful if you haven't stepped in a steaming pile of human feces. Last but certainly not least, be eternally glad the slums lords are taking a dive into the swirly bowl! Hey, Robbie: Gobble, Gobble!!
"Let us give thanks that we aren't related to either Tish and/or Spey." Thank you for this. I think it's the only laugh I've gotten out of the debacle that has befallen us and this place.
I can see why, girl. I'm buying a new pair of waders just for strutting my stuff through the flotsam and jetsam around that quagmire of filth; maybe even steel-toed ones for kicking pony sized rats out of my way. And I don't mean just Robbie; the 4 legged furry ones, too!
When asked about the Coney Island Whitefish sighting by the Stuyvesant Oval Gay Ole' Robbie Speyer exclaimed, "I always moan fo' da bone and scream fo' da cream."
By the way Robbie...your so-called wife...she's a "beard"...you're not foolin' anybody.
Wait until the pics of you coming out of the Chelsea Sex Club are published.
Something to look forward too eh?
Sort of like a Tenants' Revenge Golub Notice...hahaha!
You're goin' Belly Up real soon, Boy Wonder!
Hahaha!
Dang! The whites are running? Where's my rod. Dang!
Wait! Luxus darling, do you have any idea what a moron you are? (Tone: Affectionate)
That's a stiff gym sock that Mack the Gray gave the death shake to with his Pearly Whites, flinging it from the laundry room. Mack has a shred of vanity left, ya know.
And to think you nearly took me to the river.
Oy.
I enlarged the image, and you know what? I think it's one of those supermarket bags. BUT it could have been a CIWF. That's the whole point, not whether it actually was. Only Luxie knows for sure.
WHAT a kidder. You know quite well Mac Gray doesn't make their yearly visit to ST in November.
...Again with the goats!
Here's a close up next to the leaf, for scale. Aren't you glad you asked ;) Gotta go wash my hands.
You are one sick bastard. (I just pissed myself.)
YOU HAPPY NOW?
Supermarket bags??!!? I have a few friends who would like to meet him!
"Sort of like a Tenants' Revenge Golub Notice...."
ROTFLMAO
He'll have to prove that Anne-Cecilie is his primary residence. LOL
Gag. Now I'm going to take a (water) shower.