The latest chapter in Tishman Speyer's Stuy Town soap opera includes wild animals wreaking havoc in the financially troubled housing complex.Stuyvesant Town residents live each day expecting the worst and hoping for the best. In a few short years Tishman Speyer has turned the quiet, middle-class housing enclave into a cultural wasteland, part Animal House fraternity and part playground for self-absorbed suburbanites. In hindsight Tishman Speyer's plan seems crystal clear: cut back on building services and real amenities to save a buck and then cater to a crowd who isn't sophisticated enough to notice or even care.
Though the future of Stuyvesant Town is uncertain since Tishman Speyer was dealt an embarrassing legal blow last month for their unlawful double-dipping, the one thing that is clear is that the quality of life on the 80-acre property has declined since the Speyer's gobbled up the property in 2006. Stuy Town's already paper thin staff has been reduced again to a skeleton crew resulting in the complex looking more like a Bronx public housing project circa 1970 and less like the New York City luxury residential property the Speyer's envisioned.
The latest issue tenants are facing is animals running wild across the complex. The rat problem, which was already at bubonic plague proportion, is so bad that swarms of the diseased creatures can be seen in broad daylight roaming in the Oval. They scurry about the muddy park with zero fear now that they easily outnumber the tenants 20 to 1. They feast upon the discarded food that overflows from trash cans which go unattended for weeks. Residents are repulsed.
"I was sitting at the Oval with my daughter enjoying one of the warmer fall days we've had," says resident Martina Montez. "I heard a rustling, squeaking noise coming from her baby stroller so I peeked and there were two rats fighting over the cookie I just gave her. I screamed and shook the carriage until they sprung out. It was awful!"
Other residents have noticed that Stuyvesant Town's world-famous black squirrels have also become more aggressive. "I usually sit in the court with my friend Mary and feed the squirrels," says long time tenant Anne Andrews. "The other day I fed a squirrel and out of nowhere there were ten, twenty of them. One of them bit me on the ankle while the others made off with the bag of nuts and my cane. I was screaming for help but there was no security around. I stay inside now."
The rise in rodent activity has caught the eye of the Red-tailed Hawks which live in nearby Tompkins Square Park. The mighty birds of prey can be seen swooping down from trees and snatching up rats and snacking on squirrels.
"I was coming out of my building last week with my son and he pointed up and said 'Mommy, it's snowing,'" says a tenant who asked to remain anonymous. "I looked up and saw this fierce hawk disemboweling a squirrel in the tree above us, showering the sidewalk with tufts of gray fur. I called maintenance several times but the bloody mess sat there for days. We had to use the M Level entrance for a while."
When asked for comment on the recent animal attacks, Tishman Speyer Spokesperson, Bud Perrone, said, "The only fur I know anything about are the Speyers' mink toilet seat covers."
Other residents have noticed that Stuyvesant Town's world-famous black squirrels have also become more aggressive. "I usually sit in the court with my friend Mary and feed the squirrels," says long time tenant Anne Andrews. "The other day I fed a squirrel and out of nowhere there were ten, twenty of them. One of them bit me on the ankle while the others made off with the bag of nuts and my cane. I was screaming for help but there was no security around. I stay inside now."
The rise in rodent activity has caught the eye of the Red-tailed Hawks which live in nearby Tompkins Square Park. The mighty birds of prey can be seen swooping down from trees and snatching up rats and snacking on squirrels.
"I was coming out of my building last week with my son and he pointed up and said 'Mommy, it's snowing,'" says a tenant who asked to remain anonymous. "I looked up and saw this fierce hawk disemboweling a squirrel in the tree above us, showering the sidewalk with tufts of gray fur. I called maintenance several times but the bloody mess sat there for days. We had to use the M Level entrance for a while."
When asked for comment on the recent animal attacks, Tishman Speyer Spokesperson, Bud Perrone, said, "The only fur I know anything about are the Speyers' mink toilet seat covers."
Where's Bullwinkle?
That's the dude who parks his motorcycle outside my building, and is constantly revving the engine, even late at night. His penis is bigger than I thought!
All kidding aside (but only for a moment...), I really like those little squirrels.
Perhaps the offending rodent in this story was simply a mutant rat with a busy tail. Yeah...that's it. A bushy-tailed rat!
Squirrelus Vitae! Omnibus Squirrelus!
Long live the squirrels and may they live among us!
What a damn shame the residents that aren't decking the halls with piles of feces or puddles of puke now have to share with the rodent version of Tishman-GoatBoy, although I must say the rodents are preferable. Outlaw gangs of squirrel bikers & conquering hordes of bubonic rats are flocking towards the amenities being offered up. I mean, what's not to love? After gorging themselves on the remnants of human detritus, soon they will be the size of Shetland ponies with 6 inch incisors. It won't be uncommon to see two rats having a tug of war over a child, having outgrown cookies. Perrone should consider himself lucky he's just a penis with chicken feet. He'd have lost his nuts to the squirrels a long time ago. Wonder what kind of fur he covers his 'head' with?
Why, that's the finest piece of Satanic gibberish I've EVER heard! We need to act NOW to save the Rodentia in our community!
The squirrels are one of the few charming elements the Speyer's have yet to destroy. But they still have time.
How appropriate that Bud Perrone's name is next to the words 'quality of life' and 'rats' in the tags. lol
YES!!!
We must band together to save our bushy little neighbors... and I don't meant the college girls down the hall.
Well...maybe we save them, too, but squirrels first!
BACK PAGE OF THIS WEEK'S T&V PAPER:
An AD for a Mini Cooper. This time it's for sale--not a giveaway for renting an apartment to an unsuspecting family.
A sign of the times....
He needs a helmet and some leather pants!!
Thank you, Lifer. I'm saying that with forked tongue-in-cheek, of course ~ and maybe a hissssss or two. Hopefully, the real rodents in the form of T-ratman-GoatVoyeur will be expelled. At least one always knows where a four-legged rodent is coming from. With their high intelligence, the four-legged rodents would do a better job of managing the place.
Come to think of it...I've never heard of the Speyers running a maze.
Perhaps that is coming...
With the little goggles strapped to his head?!?
Should be riding in a sidecar! After all, his feet can't reach the pavement...
Love the headline "Impatience is a Virtue". Wish Mini of Manhattan were our landlord.
Ass-less chaps all the way!
Did you know Robbie has assless chaps custom made for his goats?
Again with the goats! *slaps forehead*
Is there no end to their humiliation? I think LL needs a widget so people can donate to the goat sanctuary.
What a striking couple!
Aren't they charming?
Its a little known fact that Escape from New York was filmed one summer in Stuy Town. Its no wonder the people in Peter Cooper look down on Stuy Town. The place should be fenced off so the people there do not spread disease and crime in decent neighborhoods. Sometimes at night walking on 1st avenue by Stuy Town I see naked hookers with their red lights in the windows, but I am afraid to go in that dreadful place. One can only imagine what the rats are like at night.
Not.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Escape_from_New_York
Could have been, but wasn't.
Thanks for playing...
Now you're acting like a lawyer, it looks like the part about the people in Peter Cooper looking down on the people in Stuy Town struck a raw nerve. When the motorcycle owner arrives, does the squirrel stay on the back and go for a ride, or does he run away?