Stuyvesant Town residents have organized a canned food drive to be held at Oval Lounge this weekend for their cash strapped landlord Tishman Speyer. The event hopes to raise enough food to feed the financially devastated corporation and their families straight through the holiday season.
Over the summer reports of Tishman Speyer's money troubles began surfacing in The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times, Crain's, Barron's, and the New York Post, all reporting Tishman Speyer is continually losing money on Stuy Town. Lengthy legal battles attempting to evict rent stabilized tenants and an expensive, unhealthy obsession with landscaping has caused Tishman Speyer to burn through more than $400 million in just two short years. Their legendary mismanagement of the property has become so bad they have made the 80-acre Manhattan property worth 10% less than when it was purchased. As their major investors continue to lose money, the future of Stuyvesant Town looks bleak.In an effort to save what little money they have left Tishman Speyer recently rolled out several cost-cutting initiatives. They replaced all of the washing machines on the complex with units that use less water and electricity and have begun turning off electricity in buildings between 3AM-6AM. Hundreds of security officers and maintenance men have been relieved of their duties and now Tishman Speyer is planning on charging residents for utilities that are already included in their rent.
All of this pathetic penny pinching is sending the message to Stuyvesant Town residents that their landlord is desperately struggling to survive in a troubled economy. With the help of The Food Bank of New York City, Stuyvesant Town residents have organized a canned food drive this weekend at Oval Lounge. They hope to receive enough donations to keep the Speyer family fed straight through to the New Year.
"At first I was furious because they haven't turned my heat on yet, I mean, I have a newborn," a tenant tells us. "But then a neighbor told me that Tishman Speyer has no money and I felt bad. I have a few cans of cranberries I'm donating."
"I'm donating everything! Creamed corn, old tuna, and pumpkin pie filling," says a resident of 449 East 14th Street. "I'm afraid that if we don't help the Speyer's now, they'll be selling the doors and mailboxes for scrap metal. We all have to make sacrifices."
Mary-Anne Riley, the tenant responsible for organizing the event, said she got the idea to utilize Oval Lounge during a recent walk through the Oval. "There's never anyone in there except that one girl who tends the space all day long. I know a canned food drive was not the type of event Tishman Speyer intended to host at the lounge but at least it will be used in a non-violent manner."
Donations can be made all weekend long by dropping off canned food to the Oval Lounge. The Speyer's thank you in advance for your generosity.
This installment brought a tear to my eye, as it reminded me of George Bailey in Capra's "It's a Wonderful Life". All these strangers coming together to aid another. Except George Bailey didn't piss away a fortune and then defecate on his tenants living in Bedford Falls! While reading aloud to my dogs, they shamed me by declaring they wanted to help Tishman-Speyer by donating a case of their favorite flavor of canned dog food. It is the season of giving, after all. God rest ye, merry gentlemen.
I'll bring my can opener which can be used for a small initiation fee of $250, and an ongoing monthly fee of $25. Please call my support desk in India to schedule it's use.
I wouldn't give them a can of clamato! Starve bitches!
Qu'ils mangent de la brioche!
I'm donating a box of Nice 'n Easy for 'ol Jerry. It's that nice brassy shade of tangerine that he and Jackie Mason are so fond of.
dear tenints,
come see for yourslef! this weeken American Leesion and Oval Amityies would like you too come see for yourself the canned food drive event. this benifit is too help our landlorn and manijment compiny Tichmen Spier because they dont know what to due for money anymore.
we kindly ask that you bringed canned good for the sPires including but nit li mited too: pickles, lrge petted olives, canned imtashin crab, tenderloin, shrimp and any spare lexus you may have ling around.
also if you have any xtra toiletrees rob speye likes axe body spray and jermy speye likes really old spice but he doesnt have a sense 0f smekl anymore so anything that prevints sweat will do. oh and bud perone needs a preshonality and a sense of humir.
come see for yourself and thnk yoo.
Manny
Ovil Maniment Amenties Exisential
At least someone will be making use of the oval ghost towns. I feel bad for the lady who works in the lounge. All by herself all day long. Like a lame diorama.
If Jerry and little Robbie are in need of warm clothing, I have some nice used clothing for them, poor dears! May they rot in hell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's best to drop the cans and be sure that they are dented before you donate them.
Are jars acceptable for donation in lieu of cans? I have cases of baby food from China that I'd like to give the Speyers.
I vote the LuxMan for comment of the week, "Their legendary mismanagement of the property has become so bad they have made the 80-acre Manhattan property worth 10% less than when it was purchased. "
A brief survey of the occupancy of the Ovalamenties, Saturday 10/25, 6pm.
Ovallounge - 0
Ovalkids -0
Ovalfilm - 0
Ovalstudy - 0
I'll donate the fungus of my bathroom walls. Well it IS vegation, right?