Is the rough economy making it harder for you to live luxuriously in Stuyvesant Town? Are you unsure of which corporate conglomerate now owns your bank? Wondering how many more luxury roommates you'll have to find on Craig's List to make ends meet? Tired of sharing only one bathroom with all of those roommates?Sign up now for Tishman Speyer's Budget Crisis Class today at Oval Bread Line.
Tishman Speyer's own Steven R. Wechsler, (Senior Managing Director in charge of Capital Funds, Acquisitions, Dispositions, Joint Venture Transactions) will be on hand to offer some Tishman Speyer-styled advice on surviving in a troubled economy.
Some of Mr. Wechsler's tips: "The first thing you should do is take all your money and head over to Home Depot, buy every plant they have and fill your apartment with them. This will give your space the illusion of having wealth. Next, pick a fight with your spouse and have him/her evicted. In an unstable economy, a lengthy, unnecessary legal battle is always a great idea. Finally, fight with your neighbors about trivial annoyances. The drama is free!"
Sign up now because space is limited in the 30 square-foot amenity. The enrollment fee for this one time class is $250 a year, and $25 a month. Penny pinchers over 80 get in free!
This is entertaining, funny and helpful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That looks like an audition line for the revival of Guys and Dolls! No!!! Could it be? Could an OvalDinnerTheater actually be "in the cards" for us? After all, nothing says luxury like Nathan Lane as Nathan Detroit belting out "Luck Be a Lady" to Mother and I whilst we entertain "a Bushel and a Peck" of Jerry's Own Wonton Shrimp Ringers and Beer Battered Onion Rings lightly fried and served with Rob's ranch dressing and tangy barbecue sauce! Bravo, Mssrs. Speyer, bravo!!!
The first 2 gentleman with their backs to us on the right side of the door are Jerry and Robbie Speyer. They've cut into the line to be first for a bail out. The little guy, facing front with the cap is old man Tishman. He's the look-out.
I heard Tishman Speyer built a model on the mortality rate of the elderly people to show investors how many apartments will be vacant in the next 5 years.
To Oval Soup Nazi: Are you serious? Well, I hope they took into account that a lot of us rent stabilized tenants are not THAT old and some of us have kids who will make damned sure have succession rights!
That's why we have to try to mow you old farts down with our golf carts and freeze your old wrinkly asses off in the winter. How else are we going to get you old shits out of here so we can rent to young, rich, trendy, happening yunnies and yuppies! Whaddya think we're gonna do - put arsenic in your prune juice? Oh! if only we could. I don't think that you rent stabilized tenants refusing to die is funny, entertaining or helpful.
I heard Tishman Speyer built a model on the mortality rate of the elderly people to show investors how many apartments will be vacant in the next 5 years.
Actually that sounds more like something an insurance company like MetLife might have prepared to help unload this property at the very height of the real estate market...
I've always assumed that Met Life built a model on the mortality rate of elderly people. How else could they have sold this place for what they got? There aren't that many illegal tenants to get out, so their vacancy statistics had to come from elsewhere.
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