In an effort to blow though what's left of their dwindling cash reserve, Tishman Speyer recently hired downtown designer Patricia Field to design new uniforms for their Stuyvesant Town employees. Tishman Speyer hopes the edgy outfits will appeal to the younger, fashion-forward crowd they are trying to attract to the faux lux complex.Residents noticed the peculiar uniforms on Monday when they spotted workers blasting piles of water logged leaves across the Oval. "I was frightened at first, I thought 'What's that flaccid bee doing to those leaves,'" a resident tells us. "I thought it was building a hive but then I realized it was just some pervert in a jumper."
The idea for the new uniforms came from a chance meeting between Rob Speyer and Patricia Field. "I was taking the trash out one night and found this man sobbing in my dumpster," Field says. "He was carrying on about a new wife, male friends that won't speak to him anymore and a bankrupt apartment complex he owns ...just rambling. I asked him if there was anything I could do to help. I didn't mean it of course, I just wanted him out of my dumpster."
The two decided to collaborate on a new risqué line of employee uniforms. "Rob said they had to be both water proof and sporty. He insisted the seams be taped and sealed and rigorously tested a few samples for three days with some friends. He really liked them. I think they're fierce."
When asked for comment on the fetish wear, Tishman Speyer spokesman, Bud Perrone, says "...lots of people like water sports and skiing, just read Craig's List."
Photo submitted by a Sty Spy
I really think that's SJP under that outfit. Oh, please, S, can I borrow your Manolo's? You're obviously not needing them in the Oval.
I saw the same fashionable, foul-weather-gear-wearing leaf-blowing team trying to move drenched leaves on the Oval during the soaking rains last Saturday morning. God forbid we have wet leaves lying around in the rain. Then we were greeted by a very loud, distracting sound...the SPRINKLER SYSTEM had turned on, watering plants that were currently being dumped on with half an inch of rain! They stayed on for twenty minutes and twenty minutes later? You guessed it! They turned on again for another twenty minutes. We have to turn up our tv to hear it when this happens. Nice to know Stuy Town is on top of the plant watering needs, even during a Northeaster!
Too bad the heat doesn't come on as frequently as the sprinkler system. I wonder if the TA has shut down its forums permanently?
Well, Original Oval Boy, after they finished watering the plants in the rain, what did they do? Why, they began to pull out the plants they had recently planted on the loops and Oval and terraces... even the ones that were still in bloom.
Once again, we see the waste, waste, waste. When these areas were grass, they needed only mowing and watering to survive all year long (unless the golf carts ripped them up.) Now they need to be raked weekly, replanted in the spring, watered, torn out when they die, replanted, torn out for winter, replanted in spring, and so on and so on....
Now if only they would tear out the 97,000 saplings, half of which are dead anyway, maybe we could get some green lawns again.
What mismanagement!! And that OUTSIDE the buildings. I don't even want to mention what's wrong INSIDE of them!
I would respectfully disagree with the author regarding these new uniforms. Maintenance workers in Stuyvesant Town are viewed as sexually threatening by their repressed employers and thus are in need of strict discipline. This reputation is linked primarily to their social ambiguous class and social identities, and to broad changes in the familial and economic landscape of Stuyvesant Town. Designer clothing serves as one forum in which sexuality is expressed, discipline is enacted and resisted, and various forms of power are exercised. Thus we now see Stuy Town staffers in long-sleeved shirts, caps with a sort of curtain around its edges, and the largest sunglasses Ms. Fields could find. They now quite resemble worker ants.
C'mon, I like the new uniforms! When you only get a glimpse of something, there's that mystery, like, 'Hmmm...I wonder what's underneath?' You sorta wanna know more. And those new shoes are kinda cute, too!
I love the yellow rubber. I see our workers wearing it and suddenly I've begun noticing their small gestures -- from frowns to wondering looks of dismay! I see them connect with each other wordlessly. I see one worker looking at another's mouth. I see a yellow rubber-clad landscaper watering hydrangeas. It's those wordless moments that I find so hot. Thank you, Patricia Field.
The spiffy new uniforms also served as full-body condoms for Rob Speyer and his lovely bride on their honeymoon night. Rumor has it that once Robbie's fiancee learned about his promiscuous past, including his recent late night rendezvous with farm animals at Oval Bada Bing, wearing a hazmat suit is the only way she'd agree to have sex with him.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hazmat_suits