Yesterday Lux Living witnessed firsthand how Tishman Speyer employees routinely put the lives of others in danger by brazenly driving their golf carts on public streets. Around 9AM we saw two Tish-Spy employees parked outside a bodega at First Avenue and 16th Street when the cart suddenly cut across four lanes of oncoming traffic to make an illegal right turn onto the First Avenue loop nearly running down two pedestrians in the crosswalk. The best part is the Tishman Speyer employees hollered "Yeee-haaa!" as they nearly caused a multi-car pileup.Of course calls to management and 311 followed but we were still left wondering, what type of training must Tishman Speyer employees go though before they are allowed to recklessly drive throughout the complex, and now, city streets?
The Fort Hamilton military base in Brooklyn, New York has been contracted by Tishman Speyer to teach their employees the ins and outs of maneuvering their rogue golf carts on private property. Training exclusively on M274 Mechanical Mules, "The only combat-proven ATV," Tishman Speyer employees are learning valuable skills like how to run down pedestrians without getting their limbs jammed in the wheels and how to reload mortar rounds in a mere 10 seconds. "These bad boys are just what they need on that rugged Stuy Town land," said supervising General Alfred P. Hazen. "These ATVs can carry a 1,000 pound load and can reach speeds of 45 miles per hour. Those city folk don't stand a chance."
Stuyvesant Town residents are terrified to learn of the powerful mechanical upgrade. One tenant tells us, "It's bad enough they hit so many people with those golf carts but now we have to dive into the bushes to avoid live rounds from ATVs? This is luxury?"
A representative from Tishman Speyer said they are aware the tenants are displeased but say they don't care. The more sympathetic staff at the Stuyvesant Town management office on Avenue C said free spades will be on hand so tenants can dig foxholes to protect themselves while enjoying the Oval.
Semper Fi, Do or Die, OO-Rah, OO-Rah!
I'm drinking a Soy latte
I get a double shot-tay
It goes right through my body
And you know I'm satisfied,
I drive my baby buggy
And I'm checkin’ out a hubby
Yo they tell me that I'm scuzzy
And you know I'm satisfied
I trip over rhodadendrin
And I feel like Tippie Hendren
When the birds peck out my hymen
And you know I'm satisfied
Wait, did that actually happen, the golf cart cutting across 1st avenue and into the loop? Or was that a joke? If it was real, that is seriously f-d up. Can you confirm, Lux Living?
I don't think it's a joke. A member of my family also complained about a golf cart driving recklessly on First Avenue and nearly getting hit. She had to jump out of the way to avoid getting hit.
That absolutely happened! Exactly that way. Yeee haaa and all. I called management.
Can't believe it. On second thought, actually I can. I once saw a golf cart with two suits it in running through two stop signs on the 20th street loop. At the 2nd stop sign they almost ran me over. I yelled at them to watch it and one of the suits yells back "Yeah, yeah, don't worry about it." You'd think that NY Times piece about the PCVST golf carts would have curbed this recklessness, but I guess not.
Thank you for calling it in, Lux Living. I'll be sure to do the same if I see it, too.