Undocumented day laborers created quite a spectacle Tuesday morning after breaking several water mains in a Stuyvesant Town building, causing millions of gallons of water to spill onto First Avenue.Three apartments were secretly being combined on the thirteenth floor to make a lusty bachelor pad for Tishman Speyer's President, Rob Speyer, so he could secretly entertain his rotating group of male "friends." The clandestine project had been underway for several weeks and was problematic from the start when the illiterate workers began demolishing apartments on the twelfth floor.
"I have a hard time sleeping so I took an Ambien," says traumatized tenant Alice Molinksy. "I woke up and found all these little guys drilling holes in my walls. I grabbed my bat and started beating them like piñatas! I didn't know what else to do!"
Once the immigrant workers migrated to the correct floor, they began tearing down retainer walls and smashing out windows. Then yesterday they jack hammered water mains without first turning off the water supply, causing millions of gallons of water to flood the apartment creating a thirteen story waterfall on First Avenue.
Residents on the street below ran for their lives, narrowly averting death. On the plus side the water washed away the new leasing office being constructed directly below the falls, preventing potential tenants from being subjected to life in the "luxury" complex.
With a string of recent bad publicity including golf cart accidents, unlawful evictions, and profiling tenants who Stuyvesant Town and Peter Cooper Village advertise with, it's no surprise Tishman Speyer did not return calls to comment on the incident.
